I read this as I read everything: charitably." -Marilynne Robinson These are words for you to get weird to on the commuter train." - Esquire "'s will have you questioning every facet of your suburban life to the point where I come over, sell back your adopted cat, throw away all the soccer balls from your garage, and start work on your husband's third affair. "Is Megavideo down for life, or is it just, like, a temporary thing?" -Bret Easton Ellis And the dogs are hungry." -Bret Easton Ellis "My dad screws for money, I screw for money, how much money do you have?" -A salad with blackened chicken slices and ranch "Consistently responsible use of prepositions." -Strunk, via White I'd like to give a great blurb, even compare to the late great so-and-so, but I've got a date with a beanie and a glass of port, and as far as the surgery goes, I'm afraid that may need to be pushed forward." -Rick Moody I've never given myself the time to get well groomed before these things, but I'll say this much about this much. "I'm afraid we'll have to push the surgery forward. Still, and despite the toenail on the table, I will be back and back again." -Yelp "The service was poor, the entrees oily, and our location-downwind from the men's room-less than savory. "It took me on a journey from the whims of childhood to the oppressive labyrinth of late middle age." -The Bildungsroman Review "Alveolate, broad, chambered, chasmal, commodious, concave, curved inward, deep, deep-set, echoing, gaping, huge, resonant, reverberant, roomy, sepulchral, socketed, spacious, sunken, vast, wide, yawning." –Cavernous, "These days, I don't like doing anything I can't do in child's pose." -Joyce Carol Oates "In praxis molded pre-postcolonially along prior faultlines of our boudoir-themed monomania, Terry Beanbat's Orphan City, Ophan Siphon obliterates the semi-conscious membranes surrounding all catalysts' vegetative prancing, and in an ecstatic hybridity somewhere between cave drawings and O'Toole deinfantilizes the primary terrariums of our longest-lasting, burning conbabulaxisis." -Terry Beanbat ’s mosaic of a novel has got me stuck on "your body is a wonderful," and baby, I wonder why.” -Jonathan Lethem I thought these words for years after the song. "This book is like if Lebron James contracted the HIV virus and took the road not traveled by Magic Johnson: He kept playing and, a short while later, he died." -John Ashbery I eagerly await the rest of the series." -Thomas Kinkade (RIP) "Pinnacle achievement of everything that appeals and nothing that offends. This is a carminative for your every chakra." -Deepak Chopra "Reading it, I became a tunnel through which a strong wind blew. Slowly reach for the crotch of your jeans. ![]() Take off your shirt and sit in the kitchen with for a little while. Taste it on your lips and in your cavernous gash, you slavering dogs.” –Jhumpa Lahiri It is as essential as hair, necessary as the ribald tide. " gave me a paper cut that I've yet to recover from." -Author's diabetic brother This book wasn't about that, but let's say it was, and that I loved it." -Kid Rock "I may be the bull god, but I also like to read about faggots getting their asses beat. ![]() "Blazed against the gleaming anus of autonomy, offers a Pu Pu platter of salvation to our American invalids, whose years of orifices gushing forth bland analogies, used feminine products of misinformation, have left the ascetics like the massed erections of some foreign future cult or the difficulty of acquiring quality dim sum in Berlin in 's pages we all find a little bit of the soft tissue we've wiped away, warily and with little or no deviation in clandestine rooms, with reams of paper much too rough and thin." -Toni Morrison My soul turned into three dicks." -Robert Coover "I read the whole thing standing up." -Bono If so, this novel is worth 55 pictures." -Gary Shteyngart "They say a picture is worth a thousand words.
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